…Then Comes Marriage

I can’t tell y’all how much I have struggled with writing this weeks post. I have literally written 4 different posts and haven’t felt settled with any of them, like my gut was telling me they weren’t finished. I’ve no joke been praying all week for the Lord to speak to me and lead me to a topic. I’ve prayed for my words to be intentional and not my own, but His. Then, tonight, while cleaning up the kitchen, I had this overwhelming thought that I just needed to start typing and see what comes out. I think I’ve been putting so much pressure on myself to say something so profound that everyone that reads what I have to say will have their minds blown and lives changed. And while that’s ultimately the goal, I don’t think that’s reality, and that’s okay! So let’s see where this goes! :)

For those of you who don’t know me, I have a husband named Nick and we have a 2 year old son named Lucas who is literally the most precious human being on the planet, but maybe I’m a little biased ;). My husband and I have been together for 10 years and married for 6 of those years. Our marriage has obviously had its challenges, but I can say with complete honesty that these 6 years of being married and starting our family have been the best years of my life. I know how cliche that sounds, believe me, but at this point in my life I’ve never felt so strong, loved, and secure in who I am as a person. While I grew up in a family where I never felt like I was lacking in the love department, there is something so eye opening about finding a person that chooses to spend the rest of their life with you. In a way it humbles you to have someone see all of your flaws and know the darkest places you have been and still say they choose to love all of you, forever. 

Now, Nick and I both come from divorced parents, so we are not naive in thinking you just get married, you’re mated for life, and live happily ever after. Nope, no sir, that ain’t us! We put in the hard work people. We know that marriage is a constant battle of fighting for your spouse and your family. That we should never be coasting at any point because it’s in that moment when you’re stagnant and don’t have your guard up that the enemy and the world have room to attack. This all may sound a little aggressive and that’s because we know we are both human. We know that these days the odds are stacked against us and we are determined to not let our generational strongholds get the best of us. So we made an agreement years ago that the word divorce would never be thrown around in our house. That we would never go to bed angry. We would always have an open line of communication so we don’t hold things in until we explode with angry outbursts (that’s me, I do that…). We also started seeing a Christian marriage counselor when we had only been married 6 months because we were so fearful that we were going to screw everything up since we had both come from broken families. I remember our counselor slightly chuckling that first visit. He told us that the fact we were being this proactive so early in our marriage gave him a pretty good indicator we would likely be okay. We’ve seen him regularly ever since and I can’t imagine ever stopping. So my suggestion to any person reading this whether married, engaged, or single, is do couple counseling regularly. There is NO shame in doing it! It doesn’t mean you’re bad at marriage, it means you care about your marriage enough to fight for it. 

I want to add that while I love my husband and love what we have built together, it has not been picture perfect. We have struggled and had arguments we aren’t proud of. We’ve said things we shouldn’t and not apologized as quickly as we should have. There are times where we REALLY get on each others nerves. But I have found that in those big conflicts, when we truly push through the ugly stuff and deal with it head on, that in those moments the Lord has shown us how much we have grown. I remember one of the biggest fights Nick and I ever had was when we were trying to get pregnant with Lucas. We had been trying for over a year on our own to get pregnant and I was wanting to start the process of finding an infertility doctor, but Nick felt like we should keep trying on our own. We argued for 4 hours, y’all. FOUR. Talk about exhausting. I love my husband, but he did debate in high school, and man, can that guy argue a point. We ended up finishing the argument agreeing that we weren’t going to be able to fully see eye to eye on this issue at that moment in time. I remember feeling discouraged that it felt like we hadn’t come to an agreement. Over the next couple of days we were able to think on the conversation and see where the other person had made some really good points. We were able to continue the conversation without being in the heat of the moment. And I remember having this overwhelming sense of peace. I found this strength in knowing that we could have those hard discussions and not have them divide us, but instead have them bring us closer together. 

The Lord has done some pretty amazing things in my life, but Him choosing me to be Nick’s wife is something I’m pretty proud of. Nick has taught me how to love myself by simply loving me for me, no strings attached. He argues with me, laughs with me, rolls his eyes at me when I’m being ridiculous. But, most importantly, he always pushes and encourages me. I’ve had the privilege of watching him grow from a 19 year old college student to a 30 year old husband and father. I’ve watched him go from questioning God to leading our family in pursuing the Lord. I tell him all the time that getting to witness his love for Christ grow over the years and watching the Lord answer my prayers for him has truly been such an honor and a privilege. I could go on for hours about the lessons God has taught me through watching Nick grow, but that’s a story for another day folks ;)